Thursday, August 25, 2011

Yes, this is totally random...

"There Will Be Typos!"

A movie that will never be made presenting the story of a writer-turned-content creator on a ruthless quest for monetized click-throughs during the Internet's boom of the late 20th and early 21st centuries.

Abandoning all literary standards, he cobbles together keyword-rich gobbledygook attempting to increase his landing pages' search rankings.

All of his content includes endless variations of typical typos people input into search boxes.

His goal is to one day create the perfect page that will appear at the top of all search results no matter what the query.

Sadly, each time he is on the cusp of succeeding, every search engine changes their algorithms making all of his work useless.

After years of these near misses, he loses his mind, develops crippling carpal tunnel syndrome, and is last seen stumbling through a dirty bowling alley, his claw-like hand permanently clutching a wireless mouse, mumbling, "SEO is the devil and I am the devil's spawn!"

And then the credits roll.


Thursday, August 4, 2011

Two ways you can really annoy customers, like me

It’s amazing what businesses and organizations do to annoy customers even as they try to appear being helpful.

Here are two that I experienced this week.

Create an unsubscribe labyrinth

I frequently sign up to receive emails from businesses and organizations that, initially, seem like they might be interesting.

Frequently, after getting a few emails, I decide they really aren’t that useful or interesting after all, and choose to unsubscribe.

While subscribing may have involved simply typing in my email address, getting off some lists can sometimes be a real challenge.

I encountered a whole page of options when trying to unsubscribe from one sender.

The page was very graphic, cute, wordy, and completely unclear. It wasn’t straightforward where I needed to click, and none of the options stated simply “unsubscribe.”

The goal of this, and similar pages, is to not to facilitate unsubscribing, but rather to be so annoying that you just say, “Forget it! I’ll just keep deleting your stupid messages!”

Being driven to frustration does not endear me, or any customer, to the offending business.

But if your goal is to really annoy your customers or constituents, create a pretty and obfuscated unsubscribe page.

Offer pointless coupons

Some of the emails I receive offer coupons promising great savings. These are nice to get when they’re truly a good deal.

I’m going to miss my 40% off coupons from Borders that were good on just about any single item in the store. Frankly, I’m going to miss Borders, period!

But what I’ll never miss are coupons that come with a ridiculous purchasing threshold before I can use them. For example, like the one I got this week that promised $20 off – a $150 purchase. Or $30 off – a $200 purchase.

If I were going to spend those amounts, the discounts would be nice. But what if I need the specific item that the coupon is for, but not $150 or $200 worth? In this case, I’m just annoyed.

I loved the Borders coupons because I could use them to get any book or any CD or any one of several other items. I had a choice.

With the coupon I received this week from another business, it’s for a specific item – something I can use – but I don’t need nor can I afford to spend $150 to get $20 off.

Another kicker is that it’s only good for a week. If the coupon were good for, say 60 – 90 days, then maybe I could plan on a larger purchase later to take advantage of the discount.

If this coupon had been targeted to a company rather than individuals, then it might make more sense. But, for me, not so much.

So if your goal is to really annoy your customers or constituents, create an offer with a short validity span and a high usability threshold.

Or, instead….

On the other hand, if you truly want to satisfy your customers or constituents, make unsubscribing to emails easier than it was to subscribe (only one or two clicks), and create offers that you would die for.

Just sayin’.


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Who you were is okay – in Christ

I love the idea of the acronym SHAPE. Rick Warren, as far as I can tell, introduced the acronym in his book, Purpose Driven Life. Here is what it represents:
  • Spiritual Gifts - A set of special abilities that God has give to you to share his love and serve others.
  • Heart (Passion) - The special passions God has given you so that you can glorify him on earth.
  • Abilities (Skills) - The set of talents that God gave you when you were born, which he also wants you to use to make an impact for him.
  • Personality - The special way God wired you to navigate life and fulfill your unique Kingdom Purpose.
  • Experiences - Those parts of your past, both positive and painful, which God intends to use in great ways.
(Descriptions adapted from

The E, representing Experiences, is particularly important, especially if you have had a “salvation experience” – that moment that you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior – after which, “all things became new.”

Often, people refer to their life as BC and AC, meaning “before Christ” and “after Christ.” Everything that was BC, they view as wasted time of no value, and they quote Philippians 3, where Paul seems to imply that his past was “rubbish.” The belief is that BC experiences are to be forgotten and left behind, separated from our new life in Christ, “as far as the east is from the west.”

I don’t agree.

Paul was referring to those things that he thought made him righteous, which really only served to make him self-righteous, and so were “rubbish” compared to the path to true holiness through Christ. He was not disparaging his past.

Moving forward with a redeemed past

In fact, Paul’s past education and experience was supercharged when he came into relation with Christ.

Paul’s entire life, from beginning to end, was redeemed, and so he could also write, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

When we accept Christ, our sins are forgiven and we are accepted – wholly – in Christ, in whom we continue to grow and mature. The past, before Christ, is as much a part of who we are as is our present and future in Him.

Who we are today, in Christ, is the result of a long God-driven process that still has a long way to go; it did not start or end at the point of salvation.

The severe demarcation that is often made between life "before Christ" and life "after Christ" is artificial. It’s a mistake to attempt to build a barrier between our pre-Christ past and our post-Christ present.

From before we were born, there has been a continuous involvement of God on our lives over time. This is what leads us to repentance and is part of our working out our own salvation.

Leaving the behaviors behind

While it’s good to throw away, or put off, sinful behaviors, grieve over wrong decisions, and turn away from sinful lifestyles, we don’t need to walk away from all of who we were before we became a follower of Jesus.

If you were a painter or sculptor or accountant or teacher before you accepted Christ, you can continue in these roles now. The content of what you do through your role will be different, but you don’t need to toss out your skills.

On the other hand, if you were a prostitute, embezzler, drug addict, or something along these lines, you will need to drop these lifestyles and behaviors.

But, you don’t need to try to erase your experiences from your memory. Instead, you can use your past in your redeemed life to reach out to others who are still trapped in destructive lifestyles. You can use your knowledge to help your new Christ-following brothers and sisters understand how to minister to people doing what you once did.

If you were abused, you are now able to more effectively help those who are still being abused. If you have gone through divorce, you are the one best equipped to comfort those going through divorce now.

Even if you’ve committed sin “after Christ,” once you’ve confessed and been restored, you are the best one to minister to other believers who fall and fail in their walk with Jesus as you did.

Being who He created us to be

The point is this: Your life, past and present, is not a waste.

We have no reason to fear our past just as we have no reason to doubt our eternity.

God loved you then, He loves you now, and He will love you tomorrow. The difference is that now, you have access to the Holy Spirit and are alive in Christ, able to fulfill the calling for which He created you.

And that’s why I like that acronym, SHAPE. The E comes last because our redeemed experience is the foundation for all the rest.

Jesus doesn’t throw the baby out with the baptism water. Rather, in Him, who we were, are, and will be, is perfected as we continue the process of growing in grace.